I don’t really know where to begin. What a great race it was.  A BIG Thanks to  and all the event people for pulling together a first class race.   A HUGE Congrats to all those who ran this weekend.  The 5k, 10k , or 25k  they are all awesome accomplishments.

Before the race we said that everyone there had a story to tell about why they were at the start line.  Now each person who ran either the 5K 10K, or 25K this weekend has a story to tell about the race.  There are stories about the weather, how good or horrible they felt, who was cheering for them, how crazy the person next to them was dressed, what their time was, where they started hurting, where they had to take a break and walk,  who they met and talked to along the way, what song was playing on their Ipod as they neared the finish line.  These are all great stories and so fun to hear.

I met my goal (1:45:00)…actually I smashed it and ran a 1:42:16.  I owe a big thank you to a couple of guys on the course who really helped me against the wind and through the hills.  I don’t know your names but your encouragement and help was such a blessing.  You are part of my 25K story.

There are a few phrases that come to mind when I think about my journey the past year and a half since I started running.  Motivation to start, Perseverance to push through the hard times,  Determination to finish,  Balancing running with the rest or life, Restoring my mind/body/heart to health, and Redemption from my past.  Thanks to all of you who have read my blog and shared my journey past and present.

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It’s 7am on Friday…at this time tomorrow I will be in downtown Grand Rapids.  I will probably be pacing/jumping/stretching/ mainly just an anxious ball of nerves strung really tight.  I have done my time, put in the easy miles, pushed through the tempo runs, and chased people around the track for speed work.  All that training just for one 25K race.

Some really great people helped me put things in perspective over the last week when my nervousness was starting to flair.  They challenged me to look at the big picture.  Getting a certain time or place in the 2010 Fifth Third River Bank Run is not going to make or break me.  It’s one race, one day, one moment in time.  One ones life hinges on it, no cure for cancer is dependent on it, it really doesn’t matter.

I don’t want to minimize what an accomplishment it is to run this race but for all the seasoned runners out there sometimes we need the reminder that it’s only one race, there will be another.

Looking at the bigger picture of the 2010 Fifth Third River Bank Run brings a big smile to my face.  I have met and trained with great people.  I have bonded with a diverse and unique group of people that I will always hold dear.  I have had the opportunity to raise money for an awesome charity.  I have got to talk to some really sweet 3rd-5th grade girls about self esteem and running.  I have raised awareness about eating disorders.  I have gotten the chanced to help women who are in the same place I was 8 years ago.

So tomorrow I am going to line up at the start and my stomach is going to feel like it is  my throat and I will be  thinking about splits and times and paces but I will still have a smile on my face.  When I cross that finish line, no matter what time the clock reads, I will still be smiling

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I have been receiving some  e-mails from people telling me about their battles and hopes for recovery.  I want you all to know that there is hope for a new and better life.  Yes the journey is lifelong and difficult at times, but it is much happier than the path of destruction you maybe walking on now.

There are multiple layers to recovery  and must all be faced individually yet are all so closely intertwined.  There is self-esteem and self-worth building, breaking the habits,  developing a safe relationship with food,working through the issues and feelings that are triggers, and forgiveness.  Forgiving others for intentional and unintentional offenses and even more important forgiving myself for all the hurt I had caused.

Forgiving myself and breaking free from the shame and guilt that I felt was a big step for me in kicking ED out of my life.  Without forgiveness the cycle of shame/guilt would continue and bring me right back to ED so I could be numb.

Freedom comes from recognizing my mistakes but knowing that they DO NOT define who I am. Read more »

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To all you mothers out there who worry about their children day in and day out and just want to do everything right so they never have to struggle I tell you this.  Just do your best and trust your instincts.  You will not be perfect but that’s okay.  Here are some thoughts from my wonderful mother. Read more »

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I haven’t talked much about my training in the past few posts and that’s mainly because things are going well.  I am anxious and excited for May 8th and can’t wait to see what I can do.  I have had a great training season with amazing people.  The typical aches, pains, and stiffness but that’s to be expected when you are running about 45 miles per week.

It has been therapeutic for me to be able to share more about my journey, past and present, and I hope you have appreciated it.  To those of you who read this blog and wonder why I share so much about my personal experience when this is a running blog I say this:

We all have something in our lives that we battle and most often we don’t like to be vulnerable enough to admit what that is.  But why be fake? People LOVE reality it makes them feel more normal.  I don’t share these things because I want attention or people to feel bad for me.  I share in hopes that it will open up doors that others will begin to share their struggles.  I want awareness about the disease to spread.  Eating disorders are quite prevalent in running communities and no one likes to talk about it.  I try my best to run without ED, but often I see him in crowds of runners and seeing him sometimes makes me want him back.  I would love to just see him disappear off the face of the earth.

More to come on recovery.  Stay tuned

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