Lois A. Anderson.

The above picture is one of the last photographed good memories of my mother. She loved birthday parties. This picture shows her with something she loved more than birthday parties. This is her with all of her grandchildren at the time (we have since added Evan).

What is Gilda’s Club? Why do they exist? One of the reasons is to help heal the hurt that my family feels everyday, to find a group of others to walk the slippery road called grief. I have always heard of Gilda’s…I knew that they were near downtown and helped with something related to cancer. What I didn’t realize is how much Gilda’s is there as a stable, unwavering masthead in the storm when someone leaves. I must admit…there are days I am not OK…I may say I am…but not really. There are nights when the real physical pain jabbing at my soul actually makes me wake up and cry out. This process, if done alone can leave deep wounds. Gilda’s to me is a source available to EVERYONE in metro Grand Rapids to avoid your wound becoming an infection. We are a stoic, Dutch, Reformed Heritage town…we are reserved as a overall culture…we tend to stay to ourselves emotionally and suffer in private. The problem I noticed, is as private as I try to deal with pain..it bubbles out in other ways. Whether I am short with my wife and kids…unable to focus and give up easy…many other forms of self pity that are unspoken but acted out as if on a stage. Gilda’s Club allows those who are experiencing grief to not feel isolated, not feel alone.

I am appealing to three groups here.

First is the runners out there… if you plan to run the Fifth Third River Bank Run…why not run for Gilda’s. You can go to: http://www.gildasclubgr.org/53.html and join TEAM GILDAS.

Second…to everyone reading this blog. If you know me, you know I don’t ask for help. But this is really important to me. I want to honor my mothers life through the Gilda’s club donations that I am able to collect. I have set up a safe and secure fundraising site, and for those who wish to give really big checks…I can meet you in person any time any where. Gilda’s is a tax deductible charity. Please donate. The link to the donation site is: http://www.active.com/donate/gcgr2012/ForGildas .

Third…is to those of you who have lost a loved one to this cancer. I would like to put out a challenge to you. I want to run in your loved ones honor. For a donation of $50.00 I will have your loved ones name on the shirt I wear during the race. Please e-mail me the proper spelling by April 15th so I can be sure to add your loved ones name to the shirt.

All donations made to Gilda’s through my fundraising will go directly to the programming.

Finally… Please share this with everyone you know… you can link this to Facebook.

Todd

This past Saturday I had the pleasure of doing my first Fifth Third River Bank Run public “long run”. I am not a morning person, in fact I hate mornings. I avoid running in the morning because  my runs always are shorter than planned. I started the morning meeting my sister at a Meijer parking lot– of course I was late. We arrived downtown and joined the group inside. The clinic had just wrapped up and people were beginning to gather near the pace setters. The plan that day was to run either 6 miles or 10 miles. I had been thinking about it for three days…6 miles? Really? That would require me to run without stopping for a little over an hour. I am still a novice in every sense. Often when I set my watch…I look down after 6 minutes and think it is broken because surely I must have been running for 20 minutes. I gauged my sister who has been running longer than I have and said that I didn’t think I could do 6 miles. I was on empty, I had skipped breakfast because I was running late. That was not all, I was about to run on empty because of the doubt that was taking hold.

I then turned around and ran into a friend who I asked “whats your pace”? My friend Jonathan is a person who does not mix words, he doesn’t bother with empty niceties and fluffy comments. He looked me square in the eye and said my pace is slow. This focused me on something. I was all upset inside that I wouldn’t find my pace…couldn’t run the distance…. Jonathan was not worried about any of that… he was there to win another victory, to put one foot in front of the other and to finish. I remember Jonathan telling me that when he started running 100 pounds heavier than now..he could go 30 seconds.

So we lined up and started. The first 2 miles were good, I was running a slow pace trying to gage if I could finish. Then came the hills…nice long sweeping hills, they are hills that are too long to charge, you must maintain pace… but I did it. I could still talk so I knew I was OK. When we got to the half way point and started back i saw Jonathan. He was running and talking…enjoying the moment.

When we got about a mile out, I decided that my sister could not beat me to the finish so I made my break. We had been running about 10:30 miles so I wanted to do the last in 9. As a rookie, of course I broke to hard and at about a half mile I thought I was going to die, then I turned around and saw my sister bearing down only a couple of hundredyards back…so I kicked and began setting 300 yard goals. make it to that stop sign…make it to that parked semi…go to the brick house…go to the last corner…

We finished that day in just under 1 hour and 2 minutes, I was proud. My friend jonathan finished later. I was eating a banana and drinking a HONEY MILK ( New  Sponsor– an really good protein recovery drink) when Jonathan came out to talk. He was about to go Mountain Biking after this run… really? Biking after the run? I was gassed, finished, pooped. Perhaps the Turtle does always win.

Today I finished a 4 mile race.

I could stop there and be content, but I can’t– I saw things today that just could not go without me writing about them.

For me it was the first time I had ever even seen a road race. I pulled into East Grand Rapids and literally had to slam on the breaks as a girl in running tights and a fluffy Tu-Tu dashed out into the road.

I found a parking spot and made my way to the gym where I was to meet the team. Hundreds of tight clad healthy looking people amped up on caffeinated goo or adrenaline milled around like race horses waiting for the gun to go off. I was overwhelmed instantly. I didn’t really prepare myself. Nor did I research the event so I had no idea what I was going to find.

I realized that this was a unique group of people, and now I was joining the ranks. To all of you who were raised in a conservative church– its kind of like going to a Pentecostal service for the first time.

We made our way to the area somewhat near the starting line and then I saw a wave of over 700 runners start moving. Then I started moving. The first mile was uneventful, the people around me were chatty. Then I settled into the second mile and found that I really was too slow for the guy ahead of me and too fast for the guy behind me. It is really hard to pace yourself as a rookie. So I just ran. At about 2.5 miles my back was screaming at me. I had hit the hills and the downhills were jolting. Then I saw them…. TEAM MADDY. I ran near them for a bit. Then realized that this was the TEAM MADDY that has been encouraging me. He slowed down just long enough to give me encouragement. That brief exchanged lifted me. I watched as the dedicated father ran off with his daughter. I watched as he stopped to make sure she was warm enough. TEAM MADDY moved me today. If you don’t know who they are look them up just facebook the name. I then became more aware of who was around me in the back of the pack. I saw another rookie huffing and puffing. I saw young and old just trying to finish.

At around what I believe was mile three, I stopped and walked down a hill. Then a mother and a daughter with what appeared to be Cerebral Palsy passed me. She was running– and NOT STOPPING. This girl with what the world would refer to as a disability was pushing through and beating me– she was born with it, and was overcoming it. I self inflicted my condition and was walking.

I immediately began to run. Soon I was flooded with emotion. I missed my mother, she would have been there standing on the side of the street somewhere to cheer me on. She wasn’t there. I began to hurt, but I couldn’t stop. I began to run in the center of the road focused only on my breathing– I actually closed my eyes for a while…but I was afraid I would run off course and into someones garage so I abandoned the super meditative whatever I was doing. Then I saw the finish– and pushed. I finished second to last in my age group– and I am pretty proud.

To all the newbies- the rookies– the misfits– to all the “I once was an athlete” type. To all the too old, the too young, the too overweight, the too skinny. The back of the pack is a great place to be. WE HURT EVERY STEP, yet we finish. I salute those who finished today. I thank those who reminded me that I am not the only one who needs courage every time I run. To those who sat out the WOLVERINE RESOLUTION RUN in 2011– do it in 2012.

Last week, I injured my back. I thought it was just a little strain, but it kept getting worse. I tried to run– but it was pointless. So I’ve had my first set back in my training. I must say it is the most annoying thing. i didn’t hurt myself running, I hurt myself delivering cheese to a client.

I have given it a weeks rest, but now it is hard to restart. It is 3 days before Christmas, we have parties, we are busy at my office, my kids are insanely acting like boys. For three days now I have told myself to “re-start”…just run… yet here I am 10 PM 3 days before Christmas. My 6 year old is still awake, life is once again in the way of health.

I am blogging out of frustration.

I am blogging because I am beginning to see why it is so hard to change a lifestyle. To not run, to walk away would be so easy at this point. It almost would seem natural. This is how my generation is becoming the pudgiest most sedentary generation of 30 somethings in modern history. Now we are raising children, do we really want to pass this model on to them? We find our life’s, jobs, families all consuming. We “go” all day, but yet we consume 10,000 calories and then go to bed.

Some would just call them excuses- I am writing to validate the reasons as more than excuses. Our culture is one of absolute relentless pursuit of empty busyness. It is driven into our brains from a early age. If we were to be really honest with ourselves I think we would find that we place a lot of our worth in two category’s. What we produce, and what we own. Pretty soon, it seems that what we work to own begins to own us so that we have to work even harder. The cycle is endless.

When I was younger, I swore I would never be “that guy”.

Now I am not placing judgement on anyone but myself. I am blessed beyond measure. We are able to have a home, I only work one job, my wife is able to follow her chosen calling and stay home with my boys when they are young.

I know that times are not exactly glorious for many that read this blog. I know that many worry every day about jobs, bills, health. These are real reasons to not spend time being active. my heart goes out to the father working three part time jobs because he can’t find steady full time employment. My heart goes out to the single mom who seems to never catch a break.

It is 10:20 PM. In the 20 minutes that I have been musing about how hard it is to find time to run– I could have ran 3 miles.

The point of this blog is this. Life is full of setbacks.

I once worked in a rehab for young men hooked on drugs. In the N.A. groups we led, we worked with young men who had set backs. In addiction they are referred to relapses. Many recovering addicts are deathly afraid of relapses. Some addicts relapse once and it kills them. Some addicts relapse once and they walk away from recovery. Most addicts when surrounded by partners of accountibility  relapse once and they become stronger in their resolve to beat the addiction.The relapse exposes the cracks, brings back honesty. When I would counsel addicts that had relapsed, I wouldn’t yell and scream at them for “screwing up”. I would come along side of them at the point they were and help them pick up and move forward. If they responded to recovery again I knew they were for real, you see the relapse is just another word for a setback.

To all of you who have relapsed, who have stopped running, or have thrown in the towel. Start running.

It is now 10:37PM, and I think I have mused enough– I am going to go run.

Join me December 31st at East Grand Rapids High School for the resolution run. I’ll be that pudgy guy in the back of the pack with a beat red face and lungs that have been abused. I’ll run with you.

What is Vapor?

I had a friend once that was obsessed with the fleeting time it seems that we have on this Earth. This friend was bothered by what seemed to be hopelessness surrounding him. He surmised that there really wasn’t any point to the dance we call life. It was simply meaningless. This upset me deeply because he was a philosopher, and I knew I couldn’t just feed him one liners about how life is good. So I remained silent and just listened.

The next day, I was at a clients house early in the morning. They lived on a pond and I was facing East. It was a foggy morning with everything bathed in grey light. All of the worlds sharp edges seem to soften in the mist, it is easy to find solitude within the fog. I began to witness the sun “burning” off the fog. I watched as the grey turned a bit yellow…then orange, then there was openings forming as the morning cloak began to remove itself. All the while I was thinking about this mist and how life is a vapor. When a fog surrounds you it is all consuming. You either feel a sense of claustrophobia and entrapment, or you just marvel in it beauty. Yet fog is temporary… easily removed with the power of the sun.

Today is a hard day for my family and many, many families around West Michigan. The holidays have a tinge of emptiness for those that have lost a loved one. This morning is the first time in 35 years that I did’t hear my mothers voice wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving.

My friend had it wrong, Life is NOT meaningless even when you are in the doldrums. There is always a purpose. He was right that life was a vapor, fleeting, and too short. A thankful spirit transcends whatever you are going through, Thanksgiving is a national “feel good” holiday. But to live full of thanksgiving– now that takes training. May you all find a way to be deeply thankful today.

Training……

This week was a blitz..

Gazelle Sports hosted us for a clinic, and BROOKES provided me with the most awsome pair of running shoes I have ever owned. When I walked into the store I was greeted warmly by staff, this helped me relax– the store is HUGE and most of it is all about running. I had never seen so many fit people looking at fitness related product. I was then greeted by Miranda form WOTV and was having a conversation on camera that will be used in later pod casts on this website. Then my team presented a card of condolences that I didn’t dare open in front of people. When you are grieving tears come at the most inopportune times!

I joined the team in training Tuesday. Monday night I panicked and thought I better run so I don’t make a fool of myself. So I ran, then I stopped. I though I made it a mile so I walked back home. I got in my car and realized .6 miles– FAIL, highly discouraged. So with great anxiety I walked into the David Hunting YMCA, activated my FREE MEMBERSHIP, and dragged myself to the third floor.

When I got to the track I was surrounded by team mates who immediately said lets run. So flanked by my team mates I began to run. By lap 4 I could still hold a conversation. By lap 6 I didn’t feel like I was going to explode into a puddle of smokers lungs. I did my first Mile , and it felt good!

Later I was due for my health assessment, a VERY scary thing when you have been a smoker. This was for real, no way to disguise my lack of conditioning. Cozy I think could see the fear in my eyes so she joined me in the lab and went first. I tested as a inflexible , low lung function 41 ( Body Age) year old. Wait…41? You mean I am not 99? You mean I can reverse some of the damage done? So I hit the track and ran 12 minutes for the test, I made it 1.2 miles with my mile at 9:53. That is my baseline. It can only go up from here.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Todd